Okay, i'm done this needs to be addressed. I am so sick of people, seriously. my actions are MY choice. I let you do what you want to do so why the hell does it matter what I do? I've changed, for better and worse. I've become a stronger person, I stand up for myself ; something I NEVER did before, and you have to learn that if you piss me off I will tell you like it is. I don't care what I do. everyone does shit, okay? and its not like i'm addicted to drugs and a fucking crack whore, i'm not. I do what I want to do. No, i'm never going to be addicted to anything. I have will power and if I get into something, I can stop. you DO NOT tell me i'm not religious anymore, I will flip out. Yeah, I have a bad mouth get over it. Yeah I do bad things, get over it. that DOES NOT make my love for God anyless. Who do you think you are to tell me that I don't love God? that is one thing that will set me off. The Lord is a huge part in my life. I have a life, and I am trying to live it for him. you DO NOT tell me that the week I spent at Harvey Cedars was a waste. You know NOTHING if you are going to say that. I talk to God a lot more then I ever did. I have a new perspective on things in life. That week changes me every year. and yeah, I came back and did something bad, that doesn't mean I love God anyless. You don't know anything about me then if you don't know that I put God before lots of things. My savior has changed my life and has been in my life for the past 4 years, how dare you jeapordize my faith, who do you think you are? and you know what, i'm sick of getting put down. I am going through so much right now. I try to ignore it and have a good time, and you making me feel like complete shit just gets me so badly. How are we supposed to be friends if you listen to other people before me? are you serious? not EVERYTHING is my fault. I'm not the worst person alive, and everytime you say something, you make me feel like I am a worthless piece of shit. I'm not supposed to feel like that. I am so trustworthy, and if no one can trust me then it fucking sucks for you. You can believe what you want. If I hear one more damn time that I am going to be addicted to pills I am going to fucking loose it. I'M NOT ADDICTED TO PILLS, GET THAT THROUGH YOUR HEADS. OKAY. I accept everyone elses actions. I accepted everything you went through. You messed up, I accepted it. You did worse shit then me, and I accepted it and stuck by your side. Why? Because I knew I couldn't talk you out of doing anything and I knew it was your decision, not mine. And now it seems like everything I do has to be supervised by you. That isn't fucking fair. I know people need someone to talk to about someone's problems. NOT EVERYONE NEEDS TO KNOW. that bothers me. I have one person I tell everything, Julie Smyk. I've learned to trust her. She happens to be the ONLY ONE that I talk to about shit. I don't talk to random people, because if those people know you or ever meet you they will have this horrible mindset about you, do you understand where I am coming from now? Those people will one day meet me and think I am a drug addicted horrible person who talks shit. not cool. and I don't like the fact that you have to check up on me when I am hanging out with certain people. you need to get to know that person before you think I am going to get fucked up with them. That person happens to be an incredibly sweet, down to earth caring person. You need to give her a chance. I would usually tell you things that happened before I would tell other people. You have not one bit of trust in me, asking other people what I do. You NEED to trust me for a friendship, I trusted you. I'm not sure if I do anymore, and that isn't your fault, I have extremly bad trusting problems, even before everything happened. I would love to say all the right words to you. I know what you want to hear. you want to hear that I would NEVER do anything bad anymore and that I would tell you everything i'm going through. I can't tell you that. I will tell you what i'm going through, but by me telling you that i'm not going to do anything anymore would be a lie. Because my life is my own decision. And your life, you can do as you please. And I won't hold you back. And the thing with this guy, its nothing. I don't like him, understand that. Again, if I want to do anything with him, i will. Anything involving me and a guy is your business. I will tell you. But now, I feel like I don't want to. Because you will check up on me with that. Yeah I hung out with this guy, why did it bother you so much? I'm not going to act like a whore around him, and you know that. just trust me that if I want to do anything with a guy, its my decision, I never stopped you, ever.
Think back on everything, please. Because we had an amazing friendship, and its falling apart, and its not only my fault. It takes two people to ruin something. I'm not the only mess up here, and you are making me feel like I am. That isn't cool, at all. ...you know i'm upset about things, but you don't understand me. The only reason I wrote this is so that would take some time and read my thoughts, since everytime we try to talk about them I never get to get my two sense in. yes I want to be your friend, no I don't want the drama & bullshit. | 
i would rather not say them on here, because still some people read this and they will go and tell everyone, but lets just say i regret somethings i've done. my heart has been broken, but i've been with a lot of guys that were real nice. but right now i am going to chill on guys. i'm hopefully going to the show tomorrow! woot! i am so excited, it will make me happy.